BMW off road skills

When I learned to ride a motorbike I hit a learning curve. When I went on the off road skills course that learning curve was even more steep.

In all honesty, the first day was so intense and such hard work that I was mentally fatigued and physically battered. I finished the day feeling worn out and a bit terrified. I could not imagine that I would be able to do a second day. I was already re-thinking my route to be motorways only, which would have required skipping much of Africa.

By late morning of day two I finally started to have fun. I think that the skills I’d learnt the day before were sinking in and I was starting to enjoy myself. I had mastered enough to get out there and give it a bash without feeling petrified. By the end of the day I was having a blast and was all big smiles.

Recounting all I learnt would simply not mean anything. I always maintain that knowing something is different from experiencing something. In this instance, knowing that I would learn how to lift my bike and drive down steep hills was different from doing it. I can tell you how afraid I was and then how much fun I had, but you really need to experience this yourself. If I think of how I completed my degree and that was a challenge but I knew I could do it. Now, this course, I didn’t know I could do it, and I did it. How chuffed am I!

When I stood at the top of a downhill (I’m petrified of down hills) I looked at my instructor Nick Palmer as he told me, “Do this now while we are here to help you. You need to do this in Africa. You can do it.” I stood there and took a mental snap shot of his face. I knew I’d need to recall this memory and his comforting voice saying, “Trust the bike. You can do it” when alone facing dirt roads that scare me witless.

Two fingers

When doing any off road biking there is a very strict rule of TWO FINGERS. This means… always keep two fingers (pointer and middle) on the controls ie clutch / brake and the remaining fingers and thumb wrapped around the handlebars.

This means you will be able to keep control of the clutch and hang onto the bike. Initially it feels a bit strange but in no time you will see how this can keep you in control of the bike and on the bike should you suddenly lurch.

How to lift a bike

I thought it would be impossible for me to lift a bike that weighs a lot more than me. However, lifting a bike is somewhat easier than I imagined and it’s a technique, not just brute force. I’m not saying it was easy-peasy but I did lift the bike myself quite a few times, even when exhausted.

Here is what you do: Turn the handlebars so the wheel is pointing upwards as if you are about to turn into the sky. This is very important. Then hold onto the handlebar that is on the ground with both hands. First heave the bike so the wheels touch the ground. Slide your body towards the bike, in a squat position. With your second heave the bike will pop back up. Use your thigh to give an extra shove if you need to.

Fall clear of the bike

I don’t know if this is what we were supposed to learn on the course but falling clear of the bike is very sensible and a whole lot less painful. I realised that I could fall over and over again without getting hurt if I just made sure the bike didn’t hit me and I relaxed and rolled a bit, or jumped away a bit.

BMW off road skills - the class lined up listening to Nick 

River crossing on F650GS 

The incredible F650GS!

If ever I had any doubt about the F650GS being able ride across Africa, I have absolutely no doubts now. While it is good on motorways and a happy commuter bike, it can also do the tough stuff. It’s manageable, comfortable and has enough power. It’s robust and can take one heck of a beating. On the river crossing even after completely submerged the bike started first time. Obviously there is the argument that the engine is that much more complicated and if things go seriously wrong, they go seriously wrong but then, hopefully, it won’t.

Mike, Simon and John 

Mike Giles, Simon Pavey and John Higgs

Simon runs the off road skills centre and is probably considered one of the top off road bikers about. He makes it look so easy but he’s been doing it for 20 years – he should be good by now. He features in numerous articles, commercials, etc, etc. To top it all, he is a super guy with a genuine laugh and friendly Australian accent.

Mike and John are about to embark on a round the world trip. They head for Alaska in June and will head all the way down South America. I hope that we cross paths again as they go up from South Africa to Europe. Good luck boys, bon voyage, auf wiedersehen.

Long Way Round – Meeting Charlie, Ross and Claudio

As you can tell Long Way Round is one of the many inspirational bike travel adventures that I’ve been interested in. So you can imagine my delight when Charlie Boorman and his crew members, Ross and Claudio made a visit to our local BMW showroom.

For those of you who haven’t yet heard of Long Way Round, why not?! It is a series of one-hour episodes for TV and a book capturing Ewan McGregor and Charlie Boorman’s trip as they travelled through Eastern Europe, Kazakstan, Mongolia, Russia and then Alaska and across USA ending in New York. Their cameraman Claudio was also on a motorbike and Ross their producer followed in one of two support vehicles.

I developed a particular interest in this trip because a friend of mine, Austen Fairbairn, (trans Africa veteran) sold a bike to Ewan McGregor. I then stumbled across details of the trip on the internet and my curiosity grew. In addition, they drove BMW GS bikes, which meant I had even more reason to be interested in their adventure.

Quite obviously I watched the episodes on DVD. After the first episode Paul and I fell silent. These guys had a whole team supporting them and sponsorship coming out of their ears. No need to go into the kind of panic that set in.

Long Way Round is first-rate viewing and I would recommend getting hold of the DVD. I read part of the book too but chose to read my motorcycle manual instead as I don’t have masses of time left to get my head around technical stuff. The book is good too and I liked the beginning bit about Charlie and Ewan’s first encounters and falling in love with motorbikes. I think for bikers these first love stories are very touching. Charlie has been a wheelie popping nutter since knee high to a grasshopper. He (and I) think he may be the only person in history to wheelie over the Russian border – three times to be exact. Read the first chapter even if you have to find a sneaky corner in a WH Smiths.

Charlie is The Man as far as motorbikes go. Having seen him in person, I can vouch that he is every bit as genuine as genuine can be. He has one of the most worthy of respect passions for motorbikes, ever. All the guys were exactly as they were in the series. Although these guys are celebrities, they are bikers, which meant they were easy to talk to, passionate and interesting. Claudio had no off road experience before the trip – respect – and proof yet again that it is possible to simply do it. Ross told me it’s not possible to BBQ a bear unless approved by an authority. This nugget of information may save me from catching fatal parasites some day.

At times I’ve been worried about not having oodles of cash to do the trip but after listening to the guys and their account of the trip I realise that money isn’t really an issue and won’t make or break the trip. Obviously I need some money but it will all work out.

Charlie is planning on doing the Dakar in January 06! This is going to be filmed so watch out, it will be excellent. There was also mention of a trans Africa trip.

I am so glad I’m chucking the job, the rat race, the traffic jams and the office politics. I am so lucky to be able to choose to live my life as I have chosen to.

Roll on October.

For more information on Long Way Round go to http://www.longwayround.com/lwr.htm

Claudio and his 1100GS 

Ross, Claudio, Charlie and me in the middle 

Motorcycle Babes, but where are the Boys?

I guess I should say from the onset that quite often I do not like the way women are portrayed when in association with motorbikes.

However, I do have a sense of humour and so often can see the funny side of things and am seldom offended.

All said, the thing that annoys me most, is that while women are objectified men aren’t. I would quite like to see fit fellow on bikes dressed in sexy leather bits, bare-chested, sporting a six-pack. That would be nice. That would be very nice. I would like a centre fold of a dead gorgeous man on a stonking big bike for my garage wall.

A bit of motorcycle babe marketing that works is the “MCN babes”. These girls are pretty fit-bits but I quite like the girls and they are portrayed in many articles and adverts – with a personality – all be it bimbo! I can’t imagine any one of them has even been on the back of a bike (I hope not as they seem to only wear little lycra outfits). However, it works because the whole marketing pitch is well engineered and at the end of the day, the girls are “nice girls” and fun.

Motorcycle marketing that does NOT work is the naked girl wearing some or other piece of motorcycle clothing/gear. It’s not women’s clothing. It’s not sexy. It’s not clever. It’s TACKY. It’s DUMB and it assumes that men are dumb too. It also assumes that women do not drive bikes and if we do, we wear, um, thermal gloves, and nothing else?

I have already alluded to my big disappointment, which is: women motorcycle babes are sexy (slappers) while men motorcycle dudes are fat old oafs.

There are more and more women on motorbikes all the time. We really do represent a growing market and so it would be superb to be more acknowledged.

For motorcycle industry, here is my list of easy ways to make biker babes smile:

* Don’t assume the girl goes on the back. Assume she drives her own bike.
* Don’t be scared to talk to girls looking lost in your shop. They are customers too and may need your assistance.
* Being friendly and professional makes a girl feel confident and trust you. Being a flirt makes them think you’re a sleaze and your products dodgy.
* Keep smaller sizes available in shops, especially boots.
* If possible, where you don’t have smaller sizes, offer to get in smaller sizes to try on. Get the item in and then call back so the customer can come in again – with no pressure to buy if it still isn’t right.
* Advertise selling your products by describing the benefits, bearing in mind that a woman may be interested in it too.
* Those designing gear should make more biking clothes for girls that are fashionable and still proper safety gear.
* Never flirt.

My debut as a babe. I am the babe.